When They've Found Love And You're Still Heartbroken

A few years ago a good friend surprised everyone by calling off their engagement. It came to a surprise to everyone because they were so happy, and had no reports of any issues that led to their decision. They just felt that as much as they cared about their fiance, they simply did not feel they were meant to spend their lives together and there was someone else for both of them. Considering how happy they both were, we didn't necessarily understand but trusted the decision. It unfortunately was not mutual, and one that left their ex-fiance heartbroken. A few years after that relationship ended, my friend met the person that they knew was the one they were waiting to meet and spend their life with. They are now happily married and have a bond that makes it clear that they were right to follow their heart and wait for the one God created for them.

My friend taught me an important lesson in trusting to let go even when things seem "good enough". They trusted that on the other side of "good enough", was "greater". One of my favorite episodes of the show Girlfriends was when the main character Joan had to make the decision to either remain with the man she was deeply in love with, or end things because he was firm in not desiring to have children. She decided to end things, in spite of how much she loved him, because she trusted she had greater waiting for her. I'll never forget a quote that she gave as she ended things by saying that she wanted "More than good enough".

I've been on both sides of "good enough", where I realized remaining in a relationship would be accepting good enough and having someone end a relationship because what we had was good enough, but for them not greater. I remember not being able to articulate how I felt until I saw that episode of Girlfriends and heard Joan say that she wanted more than "good enough". I had no intentions on hurting the person that I was with, and had to refer back to that when years later someone ended seeing me for the same reason. It hurt to know that someone did not see me as their "greater", especially when they ended up marrying the person that even I could admit was a much better fit than I could have been for them. While I was happy for them, I also felt disappointed and even heartbroken that they had met their "greater", and I was still waiting for God to deliver the same for me. It felt unfair and imbalanced to have someone end things with me and receive what they deemed as "greater", leaving me further heartbroken and rejected. My ego and self-esteem were damaged because I didn't have anyone to make me feel valuable or accepted. I found myself desperately needing to have someone see me as "greater", because I was too hurt to see it in myself.

It became less of wanting to be with that person and more about wanting to be chosen as the best option. I needed that validation to feel worthy, and to break free from hurtful comparison. I wondered why them and not me, wondering if I was enough for anyone else.

I took my hurt to God by praying for him to reveal my worth and help me move on from being seen as not enough for someone else. What God showed me during that season is that we will not be everyone's "greater", but that does not diminish our value or worth. We may serve someone for a season, and that we have to trust that he will always have more waiting for us, no matter how much we desired what we have lost. The uncertainty of "what" greater will be or when it will be revealed will only lead us to missing what God desires us to receive now due to anxiously desiring what we will receive in his timing. The fact that I was so deeply hurt by not being someones "choice" spoke to my need to spend time building up my value, self-esteem and trust in Gods greater plan for us. Now when I date, I have peace in knowing that I will not be for everyone, and that is okay. That does not take away from my value, it just means there is someone else that God has made it perfect for. In order to avoid remaining in a state of rejection or heartbreak, learn to accept, believe in Gods plan for greater, and trust in his timing.

Accept:

Begin the process of accepting that the relationship is over. It may feel as if mourning a loss, which means that it may be anything but easy, but is necessary in the healing process. Accept to refrain from dwelling on "what you thought would be". Ask God to help heal your heart to hold your hand as you accept the reality that you will not have a future with them as they have moved on with someone else.

Jesus replied to him, “You do not realize now what I am doing, but you will [fully] understand it later.” (John 13:7 AMP)

Pray For Faith In Gods Plan:

God may have something else he wants you to focus on well before revealing the person that he has for you. If your heart and mind if focused on meeting your soulmate, you may miss what God is trying to speak to your soul. Listen for him to speak to you in this season so that you can focus on his will, which may not at this time be in the area of love. This is where focusing not on his timing but promises is key. Removing the thought of love doesn't mean you are giving up on it, it means you have given it to God trusting he will do what he said he would in his perfect timing. Listen for what he speaks to you so that you are not distracted with desiring the wrong things.

Trust [rely on and have confidence] in the Lord and do good; Dwell in the land and feed [securely] on His faithfulness. Delight yourself in the Lord, And He will give you the desires and petitions of your heart.

Believe. That just as God blessed them, he can bless you as well. Believe there is someone for you too, and ask to be freed from your hurt so that you can be best self for them. (Psalm 37:3-4 AMP)

Trust Gods Timing:

Believe in what you are praying for even if the timing is uncertain of when it will happen. Pray to avoid focusing on the end and ask God to help you learn to have peace, joy and contentment in your present. Pray to remove replaying, comparing or feeling sorry for yourself by instead taking time to encourage and build yourself up. Fill your thoughts with things that God has given confirmation will ease your pain while waiting for and trusting his timing.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. (Philippians 4:8 NIV)

Photo Credit: Raw Pexel