Removing The Need To Understand Rejection

Photo Credit: Caique Silva

Gods been speaking to me in the area of heartbreak because I am personally still healing from experiencing it last year. One of the lessons he taught me was removing the need to understand the perspective of and reason someone has rejected you. One of my favorite books is The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. Its a short read, only 4 chapters, focusing on not taking things personally.

When we dwell on why we were rejected, we neglect to instead internalize why not being accepted has shaken our confidence or faith that we are still worthy. We instead turn to wanting to understand why we were rejected, what we did wrong or could have done differently, or even needing their validation to reassure there’s nothing wrong with us that led to being rejected. Many times, it’s not even about us at all. We have no way of knowing what leads people to make decisions, and it may take time before they even understand for themselves. A friend told me she would have rejected her fiancé based on her fear of dating someone that wasn’t financially stable during their early dating season, but realized her fears were rooted not on the financial instability, but fears of going back to a childhood of lacking. If she rejected him, he would have felt he wasn’t good enough, or ashamed he was in a season of lack, when it wasn’t about him but her own insecurities. If he focused not on the rejection but the season he was in, he would have known he was more than his current financial status that God was developing him in.

Internalizing rejection does nothing but diminish who we are down to not how we see ourselves, or how God sees us, but how we are seen by someone else. It makes our insecurities feel magnified, leaving us needing acceptance to feel we are good enough in spite of them. There may be times that rejection comes from a valid place, such as if we struggle in areas such as anger, negative thinking and are simply not easy to get along with. Instead of focusing on the rejection, focus on the opportunity to develop yourself.

Become a person that is a work in progress, which can only happen if you remove the desire to seek validation for an opportunity to learn to validate yourself. We can’t change anyone else but we can change ourselves, so focus on the offense and not offender. For us not on who rejected you, but the behavior that they are rejecting that is on your part wrong behavior. Be grateful that they showed a side of you that God can change from within. Focus on yourself and know he can replace what was lost with greater, or even another chance with them.