Overcoming Offense

Offend:

To offend is to cause displeasure or wounded feelings in another

Being offended is an emotion that is rooted in feelings. That means that the cause of the offense is subjective and what offends one person may not offend another.

To feel offended is natural, however it is not healthy to remain offended as that can develop into additional emotions and behaviors, such as retaliation and anger.

3 common reasons for offense are ego, validation and insecurity:

When you are offended because your ability, worth, value and character have been challenged.

When you are offended because you desire someone to confirm something as acceptable or approvable in order to validate you.

When you are offended because you are not confident in an area to believe what caused an offense to be untrue.

Being offended based on ego, validation and insecurity can block the ability to grow and learn. I dated someone that would always say, “Let me take a step back and assume that I’m completely wrong”, in order to try to see things in the perspective of someone else. I would often tell him that he could be very insensitive at times, and he would take immediate offense to this before considering what I meant or if there was truth to my statement. When he took a step back to understand how his actions could be offensive, he realized that his initial reaction of offense was wrong and that I was right. His ego challenged my comment because he was unable to admit that he was capable of being at fault. Once he took a moment to remove his ego and reflect, he was able to set his offense aside and learn to let go of behaviors that were hurtful to others.

The enemy wants us to believe that even offensive behaviors are part of our character and define who we are. If you have been on the side of being offensive, pray for a new, clean heart in that area. Ask for wisdom, guidance, peace and healing. We all have fallen short and offended, whether intentional or not. Pray to not dismiss as "that's just who I am" or "people are too sensitive" and instead ask God to give you discernment and correct you when you are in the wrong.

If you are on the side of being offended, use it as an opportunity to either cultivate a confidence in yourself that removes the need for validation or an opportunity to humble yourself in order to remove your ego.

I turn to the following verses to free myself from offense, ego, a need for validation, insecurity, forgiveness for behaviors that have offended others and to pray for help in overcoming the offensive behaviors.

Verse For Offense:

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry (James 1:19 NIV)

Verse For The Ego:

A man’s pride and sense of self-importance will bring him down, But he who has a humble spirit will obtain honor. (Proverbs 29:23 AMP)

Verse For Validation:

Am I now trying to win the favor and approval of men, or of God? Or am I seeking to please someone? If I were still trying to be popular with men, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ. (Galatians 1:10 AMP)

Verse For Insecurity:

You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you. (Song of Solomon 4:7 ESV)

Verse For Forgiveness:

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9 ESV)

Verse To Change:

Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. (Psalm 51:10 KJV)