Lesson From A Former Professional Worrier

I used to be what I call a "professional worrier" because I would spend so much time worrying about everything that you could imagine, as if it was my job. As a kid I worried so much about there being a house fire or losing our home from a tornado that I was able to convince my Mom to get fire and tornado protection. In college I worried every semester if I would have the money to eat, pay rent, buy books and other school needs, all of which I never went without regardless of constantly worrying about them. When I started working post college, I feared experiencing layoffs, even if it wasn't even something that happened with that particular job. If there was nothing to worry about, I would somehow find something to focus on. In 2009 when the recession was at it's peak, I found myself in a constant state of worry, but this time my feelings were shared by almost everyone. I had just moved to LA and was terrified that I would lose my job and be unable to afford having a place to stay. I worried non-stop as I continued to hear stories of people losing work, being unable to find any decent paying jobs, unable to pay bills, even my boyfriend at the time losing lots of money in his stocks. In the midst of the recession, I received a promotion at my job. The same one I constantly feared I would get laid off from. The rent for our apartment went up due to the recession to an amount that we would struggle to afford, so we ended up moving to an apartment that was not only nicer and larger but also even less than what we were paying in the place we were moving from. While I worried we would be unable to pay our rent due to the recession, we ended up moving into what to this day is one of my favorite apartments, offering for the price more than anywhere I've ever stayed.

That season taught me that even during times like a recession, that God is recession proof. That was my first huge lesson in understanding that my worrying was pointless, and that not only do things I fear often not happen, but that worrying wasted time simply enjoying and living life due to being so focused on things that may not even come true. My first year in LA I was so worried about losing my job that I passed up opportunities that to this day I regret. A group of my coworkers took a road trip to DC for President Obama's first inauguration but I decided to sit it out to set that money aside in the case of layoffs. I missed out of a chance of a lifetime for something that never happened, and to save money that came anyways as my income increased due to my promotion.

Worrying kept me from an opportunity in fear of a "what if". That taught me that there's a difference in being responsible and making decisions based on what we are actually facing, such as if we are saving for a home or to pay off student loans, opposed to basing decisions on the unknown, which simply hinders based on factors that don't even exist.

In that season, God taught me that while the world is experiencing lack, by his grace he can create opportunities of favor and elevation. He taught me the opposite lesson a few years later when I faced one of my biggest fears, being laid off from a job unexpectedly. I had savings to keep me but was still concerned over depleting it or how long it would last while out of work and looking for another job. I prayed and prayed asking God to quickly bless me with a job so I wouldn’t run out of my savings and began applying for every job I could. I heard nothing back from anywhere, even retail jobs I applied to. I decided to pray again asking God for an answer on what to do. I immediately felt in my spirit God telling me to "Be still and wait". That was such a confusinh response considering I no job prospects and my savings was barely enough to cover my necessities and not for longer than a few more months. "How am I supposed to be still and wait when I've got to live!?" I remember thinking.

I wasn't sure what being still and waiting meant, but decided to trust and listen to God. I went deeper into prayer, each day asking God for direction. Going deeper into prayer strengthened my ability to hear Gods voice and how to be led by discernment. Financial opportunities, like a part-time job, came up just when I needed them. I learned to not rely on a job but instead saw God as my provider that blessed me with opportunities right when I needed them, proving that he was my source and not any job.

I found myself worrying less and saying "I'm going to trust God" more. I used my newly strengthened ability to hear Gods voice and discernment to pray as I began to interview with potential jobs, believing that he would speak when an opportunity was the right one for me opposed to jumping to take the first offer I received. I had one offer that felt perfect, my spirit said it was the right one for me. I prayed and trusted when I heard God tell me to turn it down, even though I was concerned if I did the right thing. A week later, a similar company I applied for shortly after loosing my job contacted me. They told me they somehow overlooked my application and wasn't even sure if I was still interested in the position. I interviewed and felt it was everything the job I turned down was missing. We had a severe winter storm just after the interview, so I didn't hear back during the time they told me I would because the office was closed. For the first time while out of work, I had only enough money coming in to cover only my rent and nothing else. My part-time job would just barely cover my rent each month so I was for the first time facing “what am I going to do and how will I make it?” If this happened a few months before, I would have freaked out and took a job based on fear, not faith or hearing Gods confirmation it was the right one. As afraid as I was, I instead said "God, I don't know how this will work out, but I trust you". I will never forget realizing that I wasn't just saying that, but believed it. I headed to my car to the part-time job and my phone began to ring. I knew before I even looked that it was the job, and it was, offering to hire me.

I cried after accepting not because I had a job I was excited about, but because of how much my faith in God was strengthened and how much I learned to let go of the job I once was so committed to, the job of worrying. I finally felt that I was able to let go of worry, and replace it with faith God would take care of me. Even though I have had a series of different challenges since then, I now have a new frame of reference to remember, that God can provide in a time of lack and even in a worse case scenario, he's still God and will provide for me.

The verses that I turn to when I find myself beginning to worry are ones that remind how much God is there to guide and protect us:

*Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:9 NIV)

*Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds,  because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.  That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do. (James 1:2-8 NIV)

*And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28 NIV)

*I have been young and now I am old, yet I have not seen the righteous (those in right standing with God) abandoned or his descendants pleading for bread. (Psalm 37:25 AMP)

Photo Credit: Asa Dugger