Blessings Of Single Season

A friend recently expressed to me that they used me as an example to encourage someone that was struggling in their single season. They thought of me as the perfect example of someone that wasn't concerned with being single, and that while waiting to meet someone was fully enjoying life. I thanked her and was flattered that she saw me in that way, but also let her know that truth was that it has been anything but easy. While to my friend, I appeared to have mastered being single and am enjoying every minute of it, I often found myself working to keep myself busy to refrain from dwelling on the challenges that came with being single. It's one thing to be single by choice, and another to be in a single season that you are looking forward to one day ending. While my friend was correct that I had learned to enjoy this season with no concerns over being single, this was far from the reality of how I at times felt.

The greatest mistake that I made in my single season was focusing too much on the end of it and not enough on what God wanted me to learn during it. I was so focused on moving out of the season that I decided to be proactive by reading books and articles focused on "preparing for your husband". One book provided a workbook full of questions that helped you understand who you will be as a wife, and even bible verses to help as you prayed for your husband. While this certainly helped me in discovering who I will be as a wife, it also made the mistake of focusing too much on my future self and not enough on my current self. It neglected to address my current needs, which included mentally and financially supporting myself and learning to sit patiently in this season without looking ahead. I was so prepared for my next chapter that I began anxious for it to come, instead of patiently waiting and appreciating what the current season offered. I'm so grateful that I took a step back to discover Gods will as it led me to a much needed time of not only self-discovery, but discovering the joy of being in a relationship not with a man, but with Christ.

God led me to a Bible verse in 1 Corinthians 7 where Paul spoke to those that are unmarried, married and even widows:

I want you to live as free of complications as possible. When you’re unmarried, you’re free to concentrate on simply pleasing the Master. Marriage involves you in all the nuts and bolts of domestic life and in wanting to please your spouse, leading to so many more demands on your attention. The time and energy that married people spend on caring for and nurturing each other, the unmarried can spend in becoming whole and holy instruments of God. I’m trying to be helpful and make it as easy as possible for you, not make things harder. All I want is for you to be able to develop a way of life in which you can spend plenty of time together with the Master without a lot of distractions. (1 Corinthians 7:32-35 MSG)

This gave me an "a-ha" revelation to understand the beauty in this season. Paul refers to the season as "free from complications".

These verses gave me the perspective of realizing the luxuries that came with my single season. This season is the last stage of my life where my focus, attention and time is fully focused on myself. I wasted so much time in the beginning of my single season preparing for a role that I was not yet in, while taking away from the time needed to become my best self now. When I am married and a mom, I will be concerned with how to be the best wife and mother for my tangible family. I realized that like Paul said, my thoughts will be filled with who I am as a wife and mother, and not free to keep my thoughts and focus on myself as I can in this season. I had to learn to shift from "preparing" to instead learn to intimately love and learn my current self.

Learning to love myself taught me to be free of the need to “become”, and instead accept and care for the woman Christ currently desired me to be.

Paul reminds us that as a single person, we are able to fully concentrate on learning how to serve Christ because we are not consumed with how to best serve and love someone else. He speaks of how the demands of marriage and the life that comes with it pulls our attention from thoughts of God, because we now have a new focus that commands our thoughts and attention. I had to wonder if this was what has kept me in my single season so long. Maybe God knew that he would be fighting for my attention when I became married because I did not spend enough time cultivating who I was in him. He has to make sure that when my titles changed, that I have his word and who he is so deep in my heart that I will not forget as my attention shifts to my new roles. Paul gave encouragement that in this season, while the married person focuses on how to care for their spouse, in our single season, we can learn how to be whole not from a partner, but from God. Until God can see that are wholeness comes solely from him, can we truly be trusted and ready for a love from anyone or anything else?

The ultimate blessing of the single season is that you have the opportunity to break behaviors, grow, learn and go higher in Christ. When you go higher in Christ, the men that you date and ultimately marry will have to line up, meaning the continued blessing is that in your season of wait, God will reward with greater because you have learned to remove anything that is not like him. This includes men that he would not see as worthy of his precious daughter.

Photo Credit:

Jorge Fakhouri